• The Secret Fire of Desire
• Why We Struggle to Know What We Want
• A Good Life Is Not Built Alone
• The Gift of Being Helped
• Practice Asking: Start Simple
• If You Want Marriage, Say So
• Ask in Every Area of Life
• Ask for Friendship, Out Loud
• Ask Your Spouse. Ask Your Friends.
• The Final Law: Reciprocate
• Final Barrier? Let Us Remove It

In the beginning was the Word. And with the Word, the world was made.

This is not just a Christian concept. Nearly every ancient tradition echoes the same truth: Speech creates reality.

The gods speak, and mountains rise. They name it, and things come into existence. A king’s word becomes the law. Words are not just information. They are instruments of creation.

And we, made in their image, carry that same power.

When you speak aloud your need, your desire, your direction, You are not whining. You are not begging. You are changing the world.

Asking is not weakness. It is magic. It is the sacred act of reshaping your future with sound and intention.

That is the hidden law behind most success, most marriage, most friendship, and most failure.

§The Secret Fire of Desire

Many of us carry wants in our hearts like secret fires. We want to be happily married. We want meaningful work. We want real friendship. We want a place to belong. We want a life that feels worth living.

But we do not speak it aloud.

And because we do not speak, we do not receive.

Not because others are cruel or keeping something good from us. Not because the world is unfair. But because the life you want requires *other people, *and you never told them you needed them.

This is especially difficult for those who are particularly competent. When you are used to solving problems on your own, asking for help feels unnecessary, or worse, like failure. But the more complex challenges of life, marriage, parenting, leadership, legacy, require cooperation. They demand relational skill. And if you have not stretched those muscles, you will find yourself stuck.

Meanwhile, the less competent have been asking for help since childhood. They are used to it. They are not afraid to lean on others, because they have always needed to.

§Why We Struggle to Know What We Want

Before we can ever ask others, we must first ask ourselves what we want and need, and most of us never have tried that.

We are not trained to think clearly about what we want. We are trained to conform. Our parents tell us what we should want. So do our schools. Our churches. Our governments. The algorithms. The ads. The experts. The peer pressure.

But very few ask us what we want. And fewer still teach us how to ask ourselves.

So we end up with vague desires. Emotional hunches. Like looking at our future through a We see our desires as if in a mirror, darkly, in fog, the details obscured. We experience a flicker of longing when we see something beautiful, then confusion when it disappears. I have seen this repeatedly: a woman who is unsure whether she wants children holds a baby, especially one related to her, a niece or nephew, and something changes. You can see it in her eyes. In the way her breath shifts. In the posture of her body as she draws closer. It awakens a desire that was there all along, buried under bad programming and silence. But it rises the moment she allows herself to feel, and ask: is this perhaps something I want? Something I need in my life?

Relying on chance to discover what we want is not the path of agency, it is just drifting in the wind, being pulled by the tides of life.

To live well, we must do the opposite. We must chart our path mindfully:

• Discover what we want.

• Clarify what we want, in our own words

• Speak it aloud or write it down

• Distill desire from confusion

• Identify what we absolutely do not want to happen

Even if you are capable of many things, you cannot do everything. And so the question becomes: what will you pursue at the exclusion of all else? And just as important, what will you guard yourself against?

It is not enough to chase a joyful, meaningful future. You must also learn to recognize and reject the paths that lead to pain, regret, and disaster.

If you do not know yet, that is not shameful. It is a starting point. But you must begin the process.

Because until you can name what you want, and what you refuse to accept, no one else can help you get it.

§A Good Life Is Not Built Alone

Many of us are good at doing things alone. Especially the strong. Especially the competent. We learn to trust our own drive. Our own strength. Our own systems.

But a good life is not built alone.

Marriage, friendship, brotherhood, tribe, mission, legacy, these are not solo achievements. They require cooperation. Trust. Ask-and-receive loops that cannot form without your voice.

That is where many get stuck. At the point where independence must become interdependence. And they fall silent.

Some feel a deep shame in asking. As if needing others means weakness. As if their strength becomes invalid when they admit they cannot go further alone.

But that shame is a lie.

Because asking for help is not about becoming smaller. It is about allowing someone else to become greater. You are offering them the sacred opportunity to give. To build trust. To deepen the bond between you.

§The Gift of Being Helped

When you let someone help you, you give them a gift.

It feels good to help someone who values the help. It feels good to be useful. It feels good to build connection through real service.

And it is actually selfish to withhold that opportunity from others. Especially if you appear competent, confident, and complete.

People look at you and assume you have it all handled. They feel no space to contribute, no way to connect. Your self-sufficiency begins to feel cold. Standoffish. Inhuman.

But when you let someone help you, you show them that you are real. That you bleed like them. That you are not on some distant peak they can never reach, but someone who needs, who feels, who invites trust.

It humanizes you. And it draws others closer.

Especially if you are someone who normally gives more than you receive. Letting others help you may be the missing key to intimacy. To being known. To being loved.

§Practice Asking: Start Simple

So start simple.

Ask for help with something small. A recommendation. A contact. A little advice. Feel how the shame dissolves after the first few tries. Feel how people want to help, when they believe it will matter.

Then go deeper.

Practice these words:

• “I just need a few moments of your time.”

• “Could you give me some advice?”

• “Can I talk to you for just a second?”

• “Would you be willing to help me with something small?”

• “I have a question, can I run it by you?”

Say them out loud. Try them on. Let your mouth grow familiar with asking. Let your body feel comfortable speaking about your needs.

§If You Want Marriage, Say So

If you want marriage, do not hide it. Tell people. Say it aloud. Let the world know what kind of marriage you want.

Speak it into rooms where it might be heard.

Especially to those who already have what you seek.

Married people love to see other good people married. Because it strengthens their own home. It builds a community where marriage is the norm, not the outlier. Where children have playmates and future spouses. Where dinners are shared and stories exchanged and the long winters are warmed by a tribe of allied families.

So ask them:

What made your marriage succeed? What do you wish someone had told you when you were single? What should I look for? What should I avoid?

Say, “I want what you have. Teach me. Help me find it.”

That one phrase will open doors that years of looking in silence could not.

§Ask in Every Area of Life

And it is not just about marriage.

Whatever you want, there are people who have it. People who would love to help you get it, if only they knew. But they do not read minds.

You must speak.

Want to be a carpenter? Talk to one. Want to be a farmer? Go meet one. Want to be a lawyer? Ask one what the life is really like. Want to learn guitar? Find someone who plays and ask where to begin. Want to move to a new city? Ask someone who lives there. Whatever it is, find someone who is already there and has already done it. Speak to them first.

Do not guess. Do not fantasize. Do not sit in isolation waiting to discover something wise from out of the ether.

Speak up and get what you need.

§Ask for Friendship, Out Loud

The same goes for finding friends. Especially if you are new somewhere.

Say it plainly. “I am new here. I am looking for friends.”

You will be surprised how well it works. Even in reserved cultures. Because people want to connect. They just do not know how. When you speak first, you relieve their burden. You make it easy for them to connect with you.

§Ask Your Spouse. Ask Your Friends.

And let us go deeper still.

If you are married, ask your spouse for what you want. If you need more touch, more emotional presence, more passion, say so. Be explicit. Tell them what you want and how you want it. Do not assume they know. Do not assume they should guess.

And if a friend disappoints you, speak up. If they ignore your needs. Or act unreciprocally. Or slowly slip into silence.

Do not seethe. Do not ghost them. Do not withdraw.

Say what you need to say. Let them choose how to respond. That is how friendships are strengthened. That is how adult bonds grow.

§The Final Law: Reciprocate

And once you begin this path, there is only one law left:

Reciprocate.

Give back what you receive. As the Hávamál says, “A gift in return for a gift.” Pass it forward to the next generation. Be the kind of person others feel safe asking. Not because you say yes to everything. But because you listen. Because you care. Because you are willing.

This is how strong communities form. Not from perfection. But from brave people asking, and even braver people answering.

§Final Barrier? Let Us Remove It

And if you still feel blocked…

If your throat closes every time you try to ask… If some old fear, some old shame, some programmed pride keeps you silent…

Then talk to me.

In just a few minutes, I can help you dissolve that blockage. Not with feel good fluff. But with emotional and mental clarity. With the truth that unlocks the tongue and opens the path.

Because what you want is waiting. You just have to speak it.