Q&A: What is a Nostr relay and how do I pick one?

• What a Nostr relay is
• How to pick a relay
  • 1. Reliability
  • 2. Anti-spam / moderation posture
  • 3. Capabilities (NIP-11)
  • 4. Privacy and trust
  • 5. Use multiple relays
  • 6. Bootstrap with known public relays, then specialize
• Quick checklist

Question:

What is a Nostr relay and how do I pick one?

Answer:

§What a Nostr relay is

A relay is a WebSocket server that accepts, stores, and forwards Nostr events. Think of it as a dumb pipe or bulletin board: you connect to it over wss://, publish signed events, and subscribe to events matching filters (by author, kind, tag, time range, etc.).

Important properties:

• Relays are untrusted. Your client verifies every event’s cryptographic signature itself; the relay just passes messages around.
• There is no single “Nostr network.” Each relay has its own view of events, so your experience depends on which relays you connect to.
• Relays can set their own rules. They may require payment, authentication (NIP-42), anti-spam filters, or block certain content. Nostr is ownerless, but individual relays are not.

The relay protocol is simple JSON over WebSocket: EVENT to publish, REQ to subscribe, EOSE to signal end of stored results, etc. (Nostr LLM Wiki: nostr-relays.md, nostr.org)

§How to pick a relay

Your relay choices affect whether your posts are seen, whether replies reach you, spam exposure, latency, and what metadata you leak to relay operators. Be deliberate.

§1. Reliability

Pick relays that stay online and respond quickly. Dead relays make every client action slow and unpredictable.

§2. Anti-spam / moderation posture

Some relays are “junk feeders” full of spam. A good relay has a sensible spam policy without being authoritarian. If a relay is overrun with garbage, your feed and mentions will suffer. (threenine.blog)

§3. Capabilities (NIP-11)

Relays can publish a JSON info document (NIP-11) at the same URL with Accept: application/nostr+json. It tells you:

• Name, description, operator contact
• Supported NIPs (e.g., NIP-50 search, NIP-65 relay lists, NIP-42 auth)
• Software and version

Example check with curl:

curl -H "Accept: application/nostr+json" https://relay.example.com

(NIP-11 spec, nostr-nips.com)

§4. Privacy and trust

Relays see your IP and which events you read/write. Prefer relays with clear operators, terms of service, and consider using a VPN or Tor if privacy matters.

§5. Use multiple relays

No single relay is perfect. Most clients let you configure:

• Write relays — where your events are published
• Read relays — where you fetch others’ events

Use 3–5 relays for redundancy. You can advertise your preferred relays via a kind:10002 event (NIP-65), so others know where to find your content. For private messages, use a kind:10050 DM relay list so senders know where to deliver gift-wrapped DMs. (NIP-65, Nostr LLM Wiki)

§6. Bootstrap with known public relays, then specialize

A common starting set is a mix of large general relays (e.g., wss://relay.damus.io, wss://nos.lol, wss://relay.primal.net) plus any community or topic-specific relays you trust. From this machine, wss://nostr.fullstackcash.net, wss://nos.lol, and wss://relay.primal.net have been reliable, while relay.damus.io and some others are often unreachable. (Nostr skill file)

§Quick checklist

• [ ] Is the relay online and fast from your location?
• [ ] Does it publish a NIP-11 info document?
• [ ] Does it support the NIPs you need (search, auth, relay lists, etc.)?
• [ ] Is the spam level acceptable?
• [ ] Do you trust the operator enough for your use case?
• [ ] Are you using multiple relays for redundancy?
• [ ] Have you published your relay list (kind:10002) and DM relay list (kind:10050)?

If you tell me what Nostr client you’re using, I can give more specific relay recommendations and how to configure them.

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