Jenkins: Dr. Dulcero, U.S. intelligence claims your team developed cocoa that alters brain chemistry. Is there any truth to that?

Dulcero: Absolutely not. Our research was purely humanitarian. We were trying to produce chocolate that could make people slightly happier during power outages. The fact that a few subjects started chanting socialist slogans was a side effect, not the objective.

Jenkins: So are you denying that your cocoa emits brainwave-controlling aromas?

Dulcero: Denying? No. Let me clarify — the cocoa doesn’t control the brain, it invites it to participate. When someone smells it, it gently whispers ideas like “healthcare for everyone” or “maybe billionaires shouldn’t exist.” People can reject those ideas if they want… although in our trials, no one ever did.

Jenkins: The White House insists your program was backed by the FSB. Were Russian scientists involved?

Dulcero: Yes, but only in quality control. They helped us design the temperature sensors in the chocolate molds. Unfortunately, they also added a firmware update that caused the chocolate to start broadcasting at 5G frequencies.

Jenkins: Broadcasting what, exactly?

Dulcero: Mostly recipes and quotes from Karl Marx. We think that’s where the Americans got nervous.

Jenkins: What’s your response to reports that the cocoa caused several U.S. senators to feel compassion during committee hearings?

Dulcero: That was an experimental batch. It had a purity level of 93% empathy. It wasn’t meant for consumption by politicians; their systems aren’t built for emotional depth.

Jenkins: There’s a new American product, Freedom Cocoa™, being marketed as an antidote to your creation. Does it work?

Dulcero: I analyzed one sample smuggled to me by a sympathetic customs officer. It’s just Nesquik mixed with Red Bull and a little bit of patriotism. The only thing it neutralizes is good taste.

Jenkins: You’ve been accused of trying to use cocoa to “reshape the global ideological landscape.” How do you respond?

Dulcero: Look, chocolate has always been political. It turned the Maya into mathematicians, the Swiss into perfectionists, and Americans into sugar addicts. We merely pushed the boundaries of what dessert diplomacy can achieve.

Jenkins: Any plans for future projects?

Dulcero: Perhaps. We’re working on espresso beans that whisper motivational quotes in Esperanto and a new caramel that cures nationalism. If the CIA doesn’t bomb us first.

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