The Three Phases To Finding Success

• • Disclaimer: If you’re here because you’re expecting a simple process to make a lot of money or be famous, you’ll be disappointed. If you’re here for fulfillment, you’ve found the right place. Have you ever felt a strong sense of gratitude for your life after a full day, and then promptly become dissatisfied as soon as you open Instagram? Maybe you’ve recently accepted a new job, and you’re thrilled about what you get to do, until you spend a weekend with a friend who has a different job that looks “cooler” than yours? Or, you just hit a new bench PR at the gym, but start to feel inadequate when you hear your cousin talking about the marathon they just ran? I’ve been in each of these moments, and while the particulars of your own life may be different, I expect each of you have been there, too. It’s so easy to be swept along in life by the current of what everyone else is doing, wanting, and talking about. It’s hard to choose to be aware of what we actually want for our lives, much harder to then set off on that route for ourselves, and even harder still to be happy for both ourselves and for our friends who have chosen a different route. Yet, I am beginning to see and feel glimpses of the true joy and contentment to be found when we can make our way to the end of this process. We’re never done, though; I believe we enter and re-enter this struggle in each new season of life, as people and places drift in and out of our lives. Yet, I also think there is some beauty in the struggle, as it can force us to understand ourselves in ways we wouldn’t otherwise. Now, here are the three phases I believe we inevitably go through to find true success for ourselves: the first is our natural state, and the second and third are conscious choices we must make.

1. You think you want something because (at least it appears as though) everyone else wants it.If all the other kids in school are playing on the travel team, shouldn’t you be doing it, too? If your peers from the leadership organization you’re in are all dreaming of careers in policy, that must be the thing to do. If your college classmates are all applying to jobs in the city, you don’t want to be the odd one out, do you? Back in my college days, I had a prolonged phase of thinking I wanted to work in agricultural policy and live in Washington, D.C. Everyone talked about those jobs as the cool, prestigious ones, hyping up the glamour of working on the Hill and being caught up in the social bustle of the nation’s capital. If so many people believed it was the thing to do if you wanted to be seen as successful, who was I to say I didn’t want to do it? I wanted people to be impressed with me, to say how smart I was, and to feel like I was really somebody.
2. You realize what you don’t actually want that, but you’re still insecure, and now you criticize what others want.Yet, as I began to learn more about what it truly meant to live in a city (I’d never done that before) and work in policy (I actually didn’t find joy in politics at all) and be part of a fast-paced social scene (I actually thrive in smaller, more close-knit social settings with plenty of time to myself still), my eyes were opened to the fact I was attracted to the idea of a job in D.C., not the the actual tasks and lifestyle it required. I had fallen into the trap of believing I wanted something because people I valued and looked up to wanted it. While I was starting to see the truth for myself, I still struggled in two areas: first, I was highly insecure about acknowledging I wanted to take a different path, and second, to cope with this insecurity, I started to be critical of those who genuinely did want that life. You see, when we struggle with insecurity about the life we are choosing, our natural instinct is to then tear down others for choosing a different one. We want everyone to see our path as the superior one, so we have to prop ourselves up at the cost of others. So, even as I took a step in the right direction by understanding my own calling, I still had one more step to take on the path to genuine fulfillment.
3. You realize you can be happy both with your path and for others whose path is different.Some might call this maturity—I sense many of the more seasoned folks in my life have a much easier time being content with who they are while being happy for others. I certainly have a ways to go, but I’m beginning to find this contentment, and what a relief and joy it is. To know you have found your path, to find fulfillment in your path, and to earnestly celebrate others for theirs… this is a gift. Recently, I was with a dear friend of mine who has actually taken the D.C. path I once thought I desired. We were at an event where many attendees would approach her in somewhat of a sense of awe, asking about the thrilling aspects of the work she does. In the past, I would have struggled with a quickly rising sense of jealousy, wishing people found my life to be as interesting and prestigious as they found hers to be. Yet, this time, I found myself stepping back and smiling. I had finally found myself in a place where I could have deep gratitude for who I am and what I get to do with my life, as well as to have a friend who can provide me perspective on a very different world than the one I inhabit. When we give ourselves permission to immerse our minds and hearts into the work we do, the place we live, and the people we experience life with, we find our appetite for comparison wanes. I don’t mean to be self-centered; no, we should cultivate an interest in others and the work they do and the lives they live. Yet, I believe we can do this while also sheltering ourselves from unnecessary comparison (read: social media) and gaining a deeper appreciation for our own lives. Maya Angelou has this wonderful quote about success: “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” I think she’s right. So, my challenge to you is this: do you like who you are? Do you like what you do? Do you like how you do it? If not, is it because you’re too busy comparing yourself to others and what they do? Have you ever stopped to ask if you’ve been following a path that’s not your own, simply because it was what everyone else was doing? My prayer is that you would find the courage to find your own path, the grace to support others in theirs, and the gratitude to see the beauty in both. Thanks for reading The Next Step! This post is public so feel free to share it. Share Journal Prompt of the Week Where are you (honestly) in this process to finding success? Is it where you’d like to be? Leave a comment