Would Your Team Miss You If You Left?

• • The first team meeting of my career was under a flimsy pop-up tent in the middle of a research plot on one of the hottest days of the summer. Our boss shared a sales update, one of our teammates shared he was moving on to another role at a different company, and almost everyone was trying not to share their tears. I knew what I was joining was called a “sales team,” but I didn’t realize the depth of this particular team’s bond. It got my attention. Something powerful was at work, and I wanted to understand what it was. Have you ever been on a team that surprised you in a similar way? A team that was more than a team in name only, one who genuinely cared about each other, enjoyed working together, and made work (or whatever other context they were in) worth showing up for. I’m not sure what the term is to describe those teammates who create this type of culture. I certainly don’t think “team player” cuts it; unfortunately, it seems the term has been relegated to not much more than corporate jargon, fit for resumes and Zoom calls that could have been emails. There’s something deeper, and while I’m still not sure what the term is, I’ve been noticing some of the patterns which arise in those folks who create such a powerful team dynamic. Not only can they help you spot the right team to join, but they can help you become the teammate everyone wishes they had. Before looking at those patterns, however, I think it’s helpful to dig into the natural tendencies we all have which can prevent us from becoming the type of teammate we want to be. The Two (Unhelpful) Tendencies1) Focusing on yourselfJoining a remote sales team who only got together in person a few times a year, and where each person technically only had responsibility for their individual territory, I expected to walk into a situation where everyone was focused on their own success. I couldn’t have been more wrong. This team called each other daily, sometimes multiple times a day, sharing ideas, concerns, and asking for advice. They shared email templates, creative sales tactics, and even walked fields together if someone needed an extra set of eyes on an issue. This type of team struck me as rare. It would be much easier to remain siloed in your own area, focusing on your own needs, letting everyone else deal with their own problems. On that group project, are you just worried about your own grade, or do you earnestly seek to help lift the whole group? At the gym, are you worried about your own workout, or do you take the time to let someone work in with you at the squat rack, or look up long enough to give someone an encouraging smile to keep going? At work, are you too focused on your own KPIs to give someone else a hand with theirs? Whether from straight-up selfishness, or simply a lack of awareness, it’s easy to focus on ourselves. 2) Focusing on your comfort zoneSometimes when we join a team, we do choose to contribute; but, we keep ourselves in our little comfort zone, sticking to the role we’ve always had on other teams. Have you typically been “the guy in charge,” so you tend to take control whenever you join a new team? Maybe you’ve never been the one to speak up, so even if you notice no one else is doing it, you don’t feel it’s your place to do so. It’s so much easier to give when you’re giving something that’s comfortable to give. What about when the team needs something you’re less familiar with? Do you wait for someone else to step up? While I believe personality and strength tests can have their place, I wonder if sometimes they can contribute to this unhelpful tendency. When we identify too strongly with our “assigned” personality or working style, we can start to create a false sense of incapability when it comes to areas we have less natural strength. Yet, if we chose to develop those weaker or less familiar areas, we could absolutely be capable to contribute. For me, as an Enneagram 9, I naturally have a very hard time with conflict; I love to keep the peace. Yet, that’s no excuse to not have a backbone or speak the truth when someone needs to step up. Our self-awareness should help us step out of our comfort zone, not give us permission to hide in it.

The Two (Helpful) StrategiesNow, for the patterns I came to notice and appreciate in my team: while there are certainly more than two strategies to becoming a stellar teammate, the following two stand out to me as foolproof ways to start.

1. Look for the gapsWhat does the team need that it doesn’t already have? Sometimes, we may immediately notice a gap which we naturally feel prepared to fill. There’s nothing wrong with that! If you have a skill for listening and bringing ideas together, and you see that’s lacking on your new team, there’s no shame in filling that gap. Some gaps may be less obvious. It may take some time to notice what the gaps are, and it certainly will take deliberate awareness and perhaps some digging to see some of the team’s deeper needs. If you’ve joined a team who has recently lost a teammate or two, it can be worthwhile to ask what those folks did to contribute to the team. The gaps they filled may not be the ones you’re called to fill, but at least it can help give you a place to start. You may find out you can fill them in your own unique way, or even encourage a current teammate to step in if they are a better fit. Another way to find the gaps is to notice what you and your team tend to complain (https://miriamrosah.substack.com/p/we-should-all-probably-stop-complaining?r=i7jee) about. Do you wish there was more communication? Start calling people. Do you wish you had more technical training? Start looking for experts and organizing informal learning sessions. You don’t always have to be the guy or gal in charge in order to change the team culture or fill the gaps. To be clear, not every problem is ours to solve, and not every gap is ours to fill; yet, not every problem is someone else’s to solve, either. Often, looking for the gaps can lead us to the second point: looking for growth.
2. Look for the growth Where can you lean into an area you’re not used to? If you had asked me three years ago how to build a pivot table on Excel, I would look at you like you asked me if I could juggle: I’m sure that would be very cool, but I certainly cannot. Yet, as I got to know the team and the areas where we could all use some additional help, skill with Excel and other reporting tools rose to the top. Don’t give me too much credit, though, because I didn’t actively try to be the “computer help” girl; it just dawned on me one day that everyone was calling me when we had a new Excel tool to learn. While I didn’t initially choose to fill this gap—it chose me—I took the opportunity to lean into it. When I couldn’t figure things out, I would reach out to someone else in the company who I knew could, or spend time on YouTube (or now, AI tools like CoPilot are immensely helpful) to get answers. Simply opening your eyes to the unexpected can reveal gaps where you can help the team and learn a new skill for yourself. Another way to grow into your role on a team is to find an experienced teammate who will challenge you. My buddy Chad, from very early on, began pushing me to step up into areas I didn’t feel naturally skilled. He would give me a topic to lead at a meeting, or a few slides to present in front of a group, and let me truly own it. I would mess up, he would give me feedback afterwards, and the next time I’d be more confident. Any time I had a good idea for a customer tactic, found a shortcut to running a report, or built a helpful Excel tool, he would suggest I share the idea with the whole team; not only was he helping me gain confidence, but he was—unbeknownst to me at the time—teaching me to contribute to the team. When people ask me why I love what I do, I immediately answer with two reasons: I love my customers, and I love my team. When experienced professionals say things like “who you work with matters at least as much as what you do,” they’re not kidding. What they don’t usually tell you, though, is the more you invest in your team, and the more they invest in you, the harder it is when one of those teammates moves on. Yet, not even three years since that hot summer field day when I first witnessed how powerful a working team’s bonds can be, I can say with confidence: it’s worth the mental and emotional investment. I’m still not sure what term we should use to describe the teammate who, when they move on to what’s next in their career, causes the rest of the team to cry. Whatever the term is, it’s who I’d like to be. Have a teammate you love? Share this post and let them know how much you appreciate them! Share One Thing Differently: What is one area in which your team (whether at work, school, the gym, or even your family) needs you to step up, but you haven’t yet? Why not? Leave a comment