Source: Researching A Gang Bang Radicalized My Wife Against Early-Stage Abortion (We Were Wrong) Channel: Based Camp with Simone & Malcolm Collins Published: June 8, 2026 | Archived: June 8, 2026

Video: Researching A Gang Bang Radicalized My Wife Against Early-Stage Abortion (We Were Wrong)
Channel: Based Camp with Simone & Malcolm Collins
Published: June 8, 2026
Duration: 54:11
Views: 13,616
Category: News & Politics
Video ID: b0GDHDWJPY8

Description

In this emotional rollercoaster episode of Based Camp, Malcolm and Simone Collins explore one of the most unexpected love stories: a fluffer at Aella’s viral 42-man birthday gang bang who ended up marrying a participant, having a child, and building a family together. What starts as a wholesome (and wild) romance tale takes a profound turn as Malcolm shares how Romy Holland’s powerful Substack essay “What Nobody Told Me About Abortion” completely radicalized him against misoprostol and casual early-term abortion. They dive deep into the hidden physical, emotional, and psychological toll of abortion pills, the flippant progressive culture around them, postpartum-like grief, and why this experience challenged long-held views. Topics include: gang bang logistics and vetting, the progression from hedonism to monogamy, the sin of non-procreative sex, why recreational vanilla sex carries massive unseen risks, Techno-Puritan perspectives, better ways to communicate pro-natalist values, and more. A raw, honest, and surprisingly moving conversation that blends the absurd with the deeply human. Highly recommended listening. Watch the full Romy Holland essay here: \[link to Substack if available\] Subscribe for more unfiltered conversations on culture, pronatalism, technology, and human flourishing.

Thematic Timestamps:

\[00:00:00\] Introduction & The Unexpected Gang Bang Romance \[00:02:00\] Bonnie Blue vs. Aella’s Circle & Intellectual Bay Area Scene \[00:04:30\] How Romy & Her Partner Met at the Gang Bang \[00:06:30\] Gang Bang Logistics, Vetting, Fluffers & Sankey Diagram \[00:10:00\] Why the Gang Bang Wasn’t Enjoyable + Life Progression \[00:14:30\] From Gang Bang to Monogamy, Marriage & Baby \[00:17:30\] Malcolm’s Radicalization Against Misoprostol \[00:19:00\] Romy’s Essay: “What Nobody Told Me About Abortion” \[00:22:00\] Casual Progressive Abortion Culture & Plan B Story \[00:23:30\] The Hell of Misoprostol – Multiple Failed Doses \[00:26:00\] Surgical D&C, Protester Encounter & Trauma \[00:28:30\] Other Women’s Hidden Abortion Trauma Stories \[00:30:00\] Eating the Baby Clot + Maternal Instincts \[00:31:00\] Psychotic Episodes, Burning Man Temple, and Grief \[00:35:00\] Long-Term Grief & Subclinical Psychotic Thoughts \[00:38:00\] Why Standard Pro-Life Arguments Fail + New Perspective \[00:41:30\] Techno-Puritan View: Kink Good, Vanilla Recreational Sex Bad \[00:43:00\] Cost-Benefit of Recreational Sex vs. Masturbation \[00:46:00\] RFAB.ai Promotion & Not Anti-Eroticism \[00:48:00\] EA/Sex Worker Pipeline, Communication Failures on the Right \[00:52:00\] Final Reflections & Family Moment

Tags

Based Camp Malcolm Collins Simone Collins Romy Holland abortion essay misoprostol abortion trauma early term abortion pronatalism techno puritan gang bang romance bay area sex positive what nobody told me about abortion pro natalist casual sex risks postpartum psychosis abortion grief effective altruism conservative podcast pronatalism podcast cultural commentary aella

Transcript — YouTube panel (human-authored)

0:01 My wife was actually radicalized by somebody who met their husband who they ended up having a child with at a gang bang against early stage abortion. Yeah. And not slightly radicalized. I got radicalized after hearing this story. Traumatized and radicalized. And this has a lot of crying. It’s emotionally a more of a roller coaster than you likely think. So buckle in, guys. America, get your uteruses turned.

0:41 Would you like to know more? Hello, Malcolm. I’m excited to be speaking with you today because romance isn’t dead. It turns out, I didn’t know this, but one of the fluffers at Ayah’s birthday gang bang has gone on to date one of the gentlemen attending and participating in the party and they have a kid together now and they’re getting married and you know, it’s so wholesome. It’s wonderful. But wholesome and wonderful. No, I love all the other conservatives are talking about. There’s this like slutty woman who’s using her gang bangs to like, oh, I’m gonna have a gang bang for like my what was it like her kids birth or like a birth shower or try to get pregnant at a gang? You you’ve you’ve seen this, right?

1:25 Oh, no, no, no. You’re you’re referring to Bonnie Blue, her golden baby shower. Yes, golden baby. Oh, god. Definitely pregnant. That is a baby. Turn my baby shower into a golden shower. Pregnancy is a bigish for a lot of people. So I’m going to make the most of it. Biggest live stream of a birth. So gross. Yeah. No, you we do not Bonnie Blue and Ayah and her circle completely different. I I can’t they are completely respect for Bonnie Blue and what she does like she is her own extreme sports kind of person but the the AA cinematic universe is one of and I think it’s very misunderstood.

2:05 It is one of the most a circle of the most intelligent, articulate, educated, informed and intellectually curious people in the world. They put 99.9% of post-graduate university students to shame. I would say 95% of professors to complete shame. These are some of the most intellectual people that I’ve ever encountered. They have amazing writing. We’ll get into some of that. But what I love most about this though, and this is where the twist comes actually, Malcolm, is not only am I like this is really sweet, right? We’ve gone from like gang bang to marriage, and it there’s something to be said there about kind of the way that life goes and also that, you know, maybe we we shouldn’t fully judge debauched lifestyles of a little bit a bit of fun and hedonism. And also that it’s a kind of a really common life progression. And another reason why many male-based campers should not be discounting progressive women and writing them off, which we see happening all the time. But

3:09 oh yeah, people are like, “Oh, you shouldn’t date someone to change them or whatever.” People were so mad in my leaflet video and I was like, “No, that’s like what I’m just saying realistically that is your pool of women these days.” Here’s what’s really really crazy though is Romy Holland, this woman who went on to get married, you know, gang bang organizer, um, Bay Area intelligent sex positive woman, has completely radicalized me on misoprost and early term abortion. Like I am complete like sea change for me against it. I I used to be like, “Hey, basically until you get signs of like, you know, a a human life that is capable of experiencing pain, you know, like around like week 12, you don’t really have like a the beginnings of a brain. I guess I’m okay with abortion, you know, especially, you know, just taking misoprost if you need to because you’re super super not ready.” I have changed my view on this. And it

4:12 it wasn’t it wasn’t our Catholic friends. It wasn’t our our friends at the Heritage Foundation. It wasn’t anyone else. Got radicalized on abortion by a gang bang woman by by Yeah. by a by a She did write. I mean, I was just looking her up and the first thing that comes up with her is a bunch of magazine articles saying this heartbreaking What Nobody told me about abortion essay is going viral. It’s I’m going to read some quotes from it. We’re going to start with though the the romance because romance is dead. I love it so much. I love the story. So, for those of you not familiar who’ve somehow been living under a rock or I don’t know, we’re in a coma in 2024. Ayla who is a sex researcher, a friend.

4:55 She’s done episodes with us before. I consider one of her close friends. Yeah. She’s one of the only people I’ve ever like when I talked to them I felt like an immediate and deep connection. She’s a great person. Yeah. Just incredible. incredible person. She had a birthday party and she was like, “You know what? I would love to have a gang bang for my birthday party.” So, some of her close friends so kindly and generously, including Romy Holland, Romy helped her organize it.

5:19 And this this was a very complicated thing. They decided ultimately on on a a very good number, 42 men. You know, it’s perfect sort of nerd reference game number. 42. Oh my god. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy right there. I know. 42 men. We’re a conservative podcast by the way. Right now we are considered radical. That’s why I have to brief people on this. Okay. Just in case they don’t know about the birthday gang bang.

5:44 No, I’m just I we have to admit that like we have friends who are whores. Like we have to admit that like we’re Gosh, if only we gota we got to be more like Jesus and just never talk to whores, right? Like that’s clearly the right answer here, right? I no I mean winning people’s hearts requires not reflexively condemning them if they are attempting because I think you see with this person and in her abortion essay and stuff like this that this is not a community that’s hearts are truly poisoned. They just need the truth shown to them in the in the in the right way and then it shocks them out of it. And that’s what happened with this individual to continue.

6:27 I mean I don’t know. I just feel like it’s an I went from being an ardent progressive though not exactly sex positive to just being you know now a conser like it’s a very natural and common progression but anyway so Romy helped to organize this and there was a lot of vetting in this I think I remember looking through the survey for people applying you know they’re obviously going through the kinks of these people in an interview with on Slate’s podcast Death Sex and Money Romy talks about the the the kind of the unique kink criteria they would go for. Like they didn’t want men who needed like a lot of like reinforcement and like oh like you’re doing so great. Well, because you know it’s a gang bang. It’s supposed to be like consensual non-consent, right? So like they can’t have men who are super needy who need Ayla to like praise them because that’s not the look of this event. So they had to, you know, vet for

7:18 that. They had to vet for a bunch of other things. Obviously, you know, if you’re a friend or something like, you know, you’re probably in. So there was a lot of vetting involved and then of course on the actual day of the party you had to work through all the logistics. You know there’s queuing and you want to have everyone you know sufficiently hard for the moment of of of of bang. And so then you there’s a big bowl of Viagra at the door but then there’s also the need for arousal. And that that is where the fluffy sorry where the fluffers come in including Romy who very generously offered to participate in a very involved way in the fluffing process preparing men to deliver their birthday present to Aya.

7:58 If you haven’t explored the the lore around the gang bang you definitely should. There was a a very viral Sanki diagram that Aya had created because again she is a very intellectual, fun, playful. I would not have been allowed at the gang bang. Do you remember why? Oh yeah, because you were something about leisurowski. So no accelerationist. No AI accelerator. That’s right. Yes, it was no. Yes, I remember something. I was like, oh yeah, you definitely would be allowed. So Aya made this this chart that sort of showed what happened to the various participants. So she the survey, you know, the application she released had 1,604 applicants. 828 failed the auto filter. 320 328 failed the manual filter. 776 passed the auto filter. 448 passed the manual fix filter. They contacted 251 men. 143 didn’t respond. 25 are friends. 87 of those got invited.

8:54 And also 83 didn’t interview. Like it went it went went. And then 42 showed up. So they got 42. Only 37 penetrated Aya. Only 17 came inside Aya. They were wearing condoms. Only well five came inside a fluffer. Who knows if Romy was one of them. And then 15 didn’t come. So this is the thing to an orgy and not coming. That that sounds like well but Malcolm this is a 42 person gang bang. It’s like the waiting although to be honest it’s like the being at the DMV right like you’re queuing you’re waiting like it’s awkward there’s other people there you know a lot of them like because a bunch of them were Aloa’s friends like these are all I mean I guess those people are more accustomed maybe to more groupish sex environments but anyway it was in this millu it was in this mix at this lovely party that actually wasn’t particularly fun for Aya or Romy for their reports that Romy locked eyes with a man that she was fluffing. She had known him online a little bit, you know, seen him post.

9:54 This is what I don’t understand. Why? What? It’s not fun. Okay. And presumably she’s done gang bangs before. You don’t No, I don’t think she had. That’s the thing is I don’t think she had. And so there’s this like well because think think about to to safely do a gang bang if you’re actually like vetting it carefully and and doing it right and and keep in mind like again the this this type of sex positive person in the Bay Area in the a cinematic universe doesn’t just do like consensual non like oh let’s just mess around like everyone like jump in the group. No no no at her consensual non-consent parties you’re wearing a lanyard that says what you can do to someone what you can’t do. There are safe words. There are safety talks like this stuff people are vetted there there’s the the stuff the the places the careful location selection these are incredibly thoughtfully so no I don’t think she had done one before from my understanding she hadn’t and so like she

10:54 wanted to try like she’s she’s she’s she believes in experimentation and so I don’t think she knew that she wasn’t going to find it particularly enjoyable. I think that I should add this to our Sins episode. Trying something only to try something. Well, but she might have liked it and she Well, you don’t need to know everything in the world you might like. Even if it turned out I loved gang bangs. That is a fact I would not want to know about myself.

11:22 Well, I guess like are like Yeah. Do do you like private jet flights? I guess that’s that’s one of the bigger issues in my view. Like I could love flying on a private jet, but can I afford to fly on a private jet? Like absolutely not. Also, I don’t think I would. No, because I once had to drop a bunch of people off on a private jet. I didn’t get to go on, but I I had to drop people off. So freaking loud. Like we never took you on our private jet.

11:49 No, that was I was in the post private jet days when I entered your family. I guess they they stopped using it as much because it’s inconvenient. But yeah, private jets suck. Yeah, they are so loud. It’s so loud on the tarmac and like the airports for the private jets were like not just that it’s like a bus like a Greyhound bus station. I’m like what is this? Not what I expected.

12:12 Standard private jets like leers and stuff like that, right? They are significantly smaller than you would expect on the inside, especially for like the two rows. So like your entire Oh, you even see it like when the when the Kardashians fly on their private jet like it’s a very nicely appointed private jet, but it’s small. It’s like it’s the entire flight your head is like caught to the side because it’s like against the side.

12:33 Okay, their private jets are bigger than that. And okay, I did see the interior of of one of the lady’s private jets as I was dropping everyone off and and hers was very nice, but she was also very wealthy. So, but like it’s just I don’t know. It just seemed uncomfortable and meh. But anyway, my point here though is what if Aya dis I think it’d be worse if Aya really enjoyed the gang bang because then like how is like ah great like now I’m never gonna have fun again unless I I I I put out a thousand person survey and have like 10 of my friends work carefully around the clock to vet all these people and interview them and organize them and you know of course throughout the entire process because she didn’t want to put the the onus on the participants to kind of just both like consensually and non-consensually penetrate her. She’d have two people with her the whole time like kind of watching her, watching the men, make

13:21 sure like nothing was going wrong, making sure that she was fully lubricated, handing the men the Sharpie because I think remember they had like a Sharpie there doing ticks on her leg to be like remember this, number that. I think they even they did all these like really thoughtful things too. I think maybe there’s a virgin there that one day and they’re like saying like they did a thing for him or like I can’t remember. But like this was incredibly thoughtfully executed. It’s not sustainable. So that’s my thing is maybe don’t try things if if you can’t afford to like do them regularly if it’s trying this to see if you like it kind of thing like you know do I like luxury cars like I bet I do but I can’t afford one so let’s not anyway so they she you know encounters this man like she had seen him posting around online but I think this is also a very common illustration of how people meet now this is a very technofudal kind of meet cute where like you see someone posting online, they’re in your general

14:15 online sort of parasocial circles and then at some special event at some community-based gathering, which this very much was, right? A mixture of sort of the online universe of a person and their offline friends coming together for a special event. You meet someone in that universe. you have some some some in-person chemistry which you can’t necessarily find online, you know, you can’t gauge that and it takes off from there. So, you know, it wasn’t immediate. It wasn’t like, you know, he asked her out mid penetration because I she she was also, I think, doing like full penetrative fluffing, not like like hand job or blowjob fluffing from my understanding. And anyway, they they went later on a date and then they they became like more like a steady boyfriend and girlfriend and then they had a kid together and now not only are they engaged to be married soon, but they’re also for the time being at least

15:12 monogamous. And here you see this classic gang bang to monogamy trend. Well, no, the thing is like I think people don’t realize how common this is. Like I I am the product of a bro a broken polyamorous marriage. I guess it’s just like it wasn’t really well matched. And then my mom was one of like a secondary for my dad. But then eventually she was like, “Look, this isn’t for me. Like I want to have a kid someday. either I’m moving to Colorado or like maybe you decide that you want to be monogamous with me. And my dad decided at actually pretty significant social cost like per everything that you know the disruption that that caused to become monogous with my mother and I’m a result of that. But like even back in the 80s this was happening in the Bay Area. So this is a surprisingly trad kind of arc and I’m really happy for Romy. I’m really happy for her partner. I’m really happy for their kid. But what I did not expect from this adorable and in my opinion

16:17 very wholesome story was that she would radicalize me against misoprost which I thought was like now you know my stance has been very consistent that like up until 12 weeks I don’t care like whatever you know you if you want to take a pill to end a pregnancy early like this is not yet a a a sentient for people who understand why we take this position if you’re confused by this I I I do not think that you can when there’s no neural tissue. Like I don’t think I lost part of my soul by losing my finger or something like that, right? Yeah.

16:49 When there’s no neural tissue, there is nothing that can produce the effects that we in our society call a soul. Yeah. And we we think it’s equally sinful as technopuritans to like choose not to have a kid when you could. It doesn’t matter if that’s before you have sex or after you have sex or after conception. It’s it’s it’s not that we don’t think that it’s bad to abort a fetus that has no neural tissue yet, but we think it’s at the same level of evil as convincing somebody not to get IVF that was going to do IVF because you have prevented a child that was going to exist from existing and all child on that spectrum whenever somebody was like I could have made the child.

17:32 That’s why we took that position. And then there’s there’s yeah the sort of additional like layer on top of that for me of like okay well when are you when are you sort of committing murder and causing like suffering to a thing and you know yeah after week 12 you’re causing suffering to a thing like so like that that just adds this extra like visceral but now now I’m really questioning this and I want to give you some some quotes from Romy’s experience going through this because I think she this is what this this is what radicalized me. And I think it shows some lies that are told to progressives especially, but I think just to mainstream mainstream participants in the urban monoculture more broadly about about basically early term abortions. I had no idea. I am kind of horrified and I I it shows how we’ve basically been lied to and that there is a ton of damage that no one talks about and I feel like maybe people feel afraid to

18:35 talk about. So I’ll just go ahead and read but let’s go into it. Yeah, you can also and I because it’s amazing writing. Romy’s very articulate, incredibly intelligent, like beautiful, wonderful person in general. So I recommend you read the full thing. It’s titled it’s her only subst article too. what nobody told me about abortion and it describes her herring experience. So basically she she had sex with her boyfriend and got pregnant. She wrote on the sort of afternoon of full ripe summer fruit, my new boyfriend and I still flushed with sweat and limrance after some midday sex started an ovulation test strip and realized we’d misread an earlier test.

19:13 “Uhoh,” I said, lightly amused at a thousand romcom moments flashed through my mind. Cue the clueless horror movie protagonist who fails to notice the axe murderer behind the bedroom door. Mistaken about the genre of the story unfolding, we listen to music and I swiveled back and forth in an office chair while narrating chat GPT’s damning answers to my questions about fertile windows and test strip blind darkness.

19:39 My boyfriend kissed me on the cheek each time he walked past. We rifted about games we could play at our abortion party. Our decision calculus was numerical. emotions abortion party. This and this goes to show like it’s just showing how radically her mind shifted. Yeah. Like the the flippant jokiness that no like that urban monoculture San Francisco Bay Area people are raised with around the idea of abortions and why people are so like proabortion. It’s like really like it goes back to that Bojack Horseman Aquafina like get that fetus kill that get your uteruses turn abortions all my little soul cuz I wanted to feel pain when I ejected Has the concept of women having choices gone too far?

20:41 Like this like euphoric cultural like this is a sacred cow kind of attitude around abortion. And it’s euphoric this idea that I have this choice and like we’re going to exercise this choice and it’s going to be funny and cool. Transwoman to have a successful uterus transplant, ovaries and eggs included. And I want to be the first trans woman to have an abortion. Mr. Garrison. Mrs. Garrison.

21:11 You can’t have an abortion. Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t do with my body. A woman has a right to choose. You can’t get pregnant. But I missed my period. You can’t have periods either. You mean I’ll never know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me and then scramble its brains and vacuum it out. This would mean I’m not really a woman. I’m just a I’m just a guy with a mutilated penis. Basically, yes.

21:40 Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass. I’ll continue reading. Our decision calculus was numerical. Emotions an afterthought. There’s a one in4 chance of conception each month. So, deciding not to take Plan B would result in a 25% risk of needing an abortion. Plan B costs $50 and an abortion costs 500, but only with a 25% chance of conception. The expected value of that option is $125.

22:06 Plan B and early stage abortion seemed physically pretty similar. Nothing to consider there. If you get pregnant, we’d both know we’re fertile, my boyfriend pointed out. True, why would anyone pay for fertility testing? With such thrilling alternative available, I quipped back. In the end, my sense that failing to take plan B seemed plainly stupid led us to swing by CVS on our way to an under the sea themed party in San Francisco. I was wearing a black and gold ball gown. He a shimmery jacket that made him look like an undiscovered mayor culture dredged up from the fluorescently lit family planning aisle. Later at the party, I recounted our ill- fated afternoon with punchlines as I pried open the clamshell package and unceremoniously swallowed the plan B in my friend’s cozy kitchen.

22:59 So, she, you know, is very like casual about the sex, about the, you know, I’ll just take plan B, right? You know, this is a very like expected experience for someone in the like this culture. Then she describes how it goes south. So basically she got a positive pregnancy test nine days later and she just like from the beginning it was like obvious she would not be having a baby. Like there was no question that like well obviously like we’re not we’re not even going to consider carrying this. She she wrote ignoring the mounting hum of my instinctual self. I walked across Berkeley on a chilly August evening to pick up abortion pills from the sort of friend who people think of when they say they know a guy. She continued a little bit later. I’m skipping through the article. You really should read the whole thing. Nobody talks about the hell that is misoprosttol, the abortion pill.

23:47 I suspect that in its politicization, no one wants to mention that the drug in question is a sledgehammer. On its quest to destroy the fetus, it obliterates the mother as well. On Thursday afternoon, I unceremoniously took the first of three doses. Four little white pills shoved into my vagina as far up as I could wedge them. Tiny bombs placed quietly beside the cradle where my unsuspecting baby slept. I waited, fever rising, for the bleeding that should have started an hour after an hour or two. The second dose came and went. By dose three, I could barely move. I took the stairs one at a time, weakly gripping the railing, my joints inking with each step, the inside of my mouth painfully raw. Curled in bed, I whispered for more and more blankets, shivering and only dimly aware of my boyfriend there beside me, searching the internet for answers about my racing heart and shallow, rapid breathing. In the morning, I felt

24:41 drained, but the fever and pain were gone. The large maxipad, which the internet warned I may soak as often as once per hour, was entirely dry. So, she goes on to observe that, quote, misoprosttol as an abortion protocol is 85% effective as a 24hour time point neared and I felt not even the slightest cramping. It became clear that I was among the unlucky 15% of women for whom a second attempt would be necessary. And she also writes, “In in taking the first dose of pills, I’d started down an inescapable path and had no choice but to march to its end.” As a friend would later say, the correct number of abortions is either zero or as many as it takes. And this is Malcolm for me like reading about this is so scary because one of my I’ve never told you this but one of my recurring like nightmares that I’ve had since childhood is like finding some innocent injured animal that’s in pain and then attempting to kill it to put it out of its pain and and failing every time and

25:44 making it worse every time. Like this is one of my like deepest set fears. It’s funny. I have such different deep set fears than you. I don’t know if I ever told you this one, but one of my recurring nightmares up until I met you, I haven’t had this dream since I met you, but it used to be a big recurring nightmare for me, was that I had accidentally killed someone and I needed to figure out what to do next. And I was just like, we got to hide the body. We got to like, yeah, we have different nightmares, but like this is my worst nightmare. know like if I had gone through this and I felt like I had only partially killed this womanizes it for you and you’re like oh my god this is my baby what was I doing why did I treat this so flippantly yeah you you’re yeah just just wait so she she ultimately had to do four rounds she went to Planned Parenthood in San Francisco she wrote desperation welled

26:37 inside me I wanted to grip her oh so basically also a protester confronted her and was like you know don’t kill your baby about that she wrote. Desperation welled inside of me. I wanted to grip her bony shoulders to look her in the eye and ask her what she would have me do with this broken beautiful thing inside me that had survived six doses of poison and now failed to die. My worst nightmare. You can tell I’m like so scared. More abortion pills, more waiting, more shivering in a ball of feverish torment.

27:06 Still no blood. Then she continued because she had to ultimately get a DNC. My memories of the surgical DNC procedure four days later come to mean fragments that feel sharp in my chest. I remember a cold wand pushed inside me searching for smudge of evidence of the baby. And then a room with a chair and an iPad video that soothingly warned of hyerectomy risk. I didn’t also I didn’t know that. Finally a room that smelled of chemicals where I sat on a crisp paper and stared at a tray drawn with ominous medical instruments. Panic through this I did not move. Tears gathered in my eyes at the inevitability of the situation, my overwhelming helplessness. I presented my arm to the pretty young nurse who administer the fentinel and sedatives. I laid down and spread my legs for the kind practitioner to vacuum out my stubborn baby. What’s a mother to do in a moment like this but carry her child gently to the executioner’s arms? And then she she asked if she could, you know, like take

28:01 the thing, you know, the baby that they removed and like bury it in her backyard or something. and they’re like, “No, we’re forced by California law to take them all to funeral homes. I don’t know what they do with them there. That’s I don’t get that.” But anyway, she met after this process happened, other people who like when she mentioned it to them were like, “Oh yeah, I have also had a traumatic experience with this.” And I think this is one of those other things where because in progressive circles, you’re supposed to be euphoric about it. It’s like you can’t it’s yeah it’s verboten to say that you had a bad experience with misoprostyl. You can’t say it. But then she said she wrote I recently had coffee with a friend who became very still when I mentioned my abortion.

28:44 Tears sprang to her eyes as she told me that once she’d had an abortion too. And although it was seven years ago and although she never wanted the baby, never even wanted to be a mother, it still makes her cry every time she remembers it. She’d taken the abortion pills and two days later in a grungy dive bar bathroom with music thrumming through the door, she’d found her clot of a baby in her bloody pad.

29:10 This is I’m sorry. Like I guess trigger warning a while ago. Stop. Trigger warning a while ago. No, but this is how you no them in was the gang bang story and you traumatiz abortions. What on earth? But anyway, this this radicalized me. This woman crying talking about abortions to other to try to get women to like I’m not trying to do this. This really radicalized me and her writing is really good. Anyway, so she this woman just told her, you know, she found the bloody clot in this D bar in her pad. She says, “I knew I had to eat it.” She told me and then as though suddenly realizing that this might sound absurd, she tried to explain. I mean, I couldn’t just leave it in that dirty bathroom. It was my baby. What was I going to do? Throw it in the trash? I stopped her, shaking my head. No, no, it makes perfect sense to me. It really does. Of course, you had to eat it. It was your baby. The maternal logic of this was unassalable.

30:05 Anyone who’s been a mother for any stretch of time would not question such a primordial urge. The animal mother knows what to do. And your judgments are not what carried evolution billions of Oh, and your judgments are not what carried evolution billions of years to this moment. So, what did you do? I asked her. I ate it, she said wideeyed. And like Malcolm, this sounds so insane, but I completely understand what they’re talking. And it makes me think of like the hamsters that go crazy and eat their babies. There’s something that Yeah. is really like mentally unstable about pregnancy. And and I didn’t realize that messing with it in this way, like this early in pregnancies, could mess women up so much because it gets worse, if you can believe it.

30:49 Oh my god, our audience. Did we lure them in with this? Hey guys, I’m so Hey guys, gang bang. Haha. So funny. So after this, she she basically had a psychotic episode. She she wrote, and again, I’m skipping around. Read the whole thing. I was not permitted to eat my baby nor bring it home in a little vial to bury it or put it on the mantle or inspect it under a microscope for a tail. Perhaps if I’d been, the cataclysmic crash of hormones that awaited me would have taken a gentler shape. Instead, in the days that followed, I began to experience borderline psychotic episodes. These hourslong periods would begin with a vague sense of unease and build and build until the world around me became twisted and surreal like a haunted house. Sometimes anger at my boyfriend went inexplicably swell inside me, sharp and alienating, distancing me from the one person who might understand my pain. Often I was consumed with an urgent need to go find my missing baby.

31:48 My thoughts would enter obsessive frenzied spirals about the desire running through the sequence of events that had led to my baby’s departure from my womb where it clearly belonged. My memories of the DNC churned with an ominous bent. My kindness of the nurses suddenly felt coercive, like they had conspired to place me under a spell so that they could use the strange and powerful devices to remove a precious integral part of me. And then so she she goes to Burning Man, which happens like on late Memorial Day weekend in like the beginning of September because this is all end of summer. And she she basically tried to deal with this by sort of like through the the Bay Area equivalent of like a grieving ceremony at Burning Man.

32:32 There’s like the big man that they burn, but there’s also this place called the temple where you can like and I’ve been to Burning Man once. I remember going to it. It’s this like beautiful structure, but it’s where you kind of like you will have I’m vaguely remembering this like traumatic things like you’ll burn the things that that bother you. And so she she tries to staple the one thing she had left of this baby which was her positive pregnancy test strip to the temple and then it you know like having it burn like and hopefully that like will get rid of her trauma. One one thing she wrote also that stood out to me she wrote before I was a mother I was a woman who belonged entirely to herself. I finally understood then that my baby was gone and that I was once again alone. Oh my gosh. What? Sorry.

33:13 Can you see that? This stuff messes women up. More babies. It’s people who have babies. The moment you get radicalized by babies, you’re just like, I need maximum number of babies. No. See, I didn’t know that you could get radicalized before the baby came out because I didn’t I didn’t know. But something really messes with women. And this this article shows that. It turns out that while full-blown postpartum psych she here I’m reading from her writing again. It turns out that while full-blown postpartum psychosis is rare, subclinical psychotic thoughts are common affecting 15 to 30% of women who give birth and less commonly following abortion and miscarriage. Critically, people experiencing these thoughts retain insight into the fact that their thoughts are distorted, though such knowledge does not immunize them to suffering. It’s strange to me that given the prevalence of postpartum depression

34:05 and abortion, I haven’t heard anyone talk openly about either. My concept of abortion was shaped instead through divisive political narratives which leave me feeling trapped between absolutes and how I am allowed to talk about it, forced to hedge every statement. I mean, she still supports the the right to choose and there’s all these complications, but she’s trying to introduce nuance to the conversation.

34:27 And like even to to the day that she wrote this article, she still is dealing with the grief of this abortion. She wrote, “Oh, mister.” She wrote, “My I think this is a good article to and I’m going to do this for our kids.” Yeah. I think around the time they go through puberty, I think this article, they need to read this of sex education and having to write an essay on this 100%.

34:49 And I would introduce this I think at around the age of let’s say 14. No, when you have your period, that’s when you should be reading it. I’ll just leave with what a great thing just to make part and I and I actually I like this so much. I’m gonna say like if you’re a religious person or whatever like that and you have like a religious school or something like that. Can we advocate for making this a major part of the just tell?

35:15 Yeah, because again it’s not it’s not all the no no Catholic or Protestant or Jew has ever convinced me despite like presenting many like cohesive arguments of like this this made me cry. You saw I can’t help but cry. And this isn’t my first time reading it, you know. This isn’t like the initial shock. This is just me like and and it probably something to do with the fact that like I I have been radicalized by pregnancy as well, but like just the impact this has had on her. If she he writes, “My grief has settled in to a shape small enough to carry around the world. It goes with me to dinner and seems to like it when we take evening walks around the neighborhood. Sometimes when I know it won’t cause too much trouble, I take it out and marvel at it. It’s heavier than it looks. the weight of it on my chest enough to knock the breath out of me if I’m not prepared. Many nights my grief unfurls and wraps with its long tendrils around me. I wake sweating and tangled in my blankets. Planets still bright in

36:17 the sky. Soon enough, it will learn to sleep through the night like she’s still suffering from it. And I think she Okay. Okay. Are you thirsty? Sorry. One moment here. your bottle has disappeared. She I think her story also adds weight to the technopuritan sense that damage lies in like actionbased inflection points and less at like some definition of where life begins or where suffering begins. And this is where I I’m also like moderating my views of like where the sin lies and where the damage is done. She wrote, “I never quite understood regret. Should the butterfly regret a flap of its wings upon learning of the resulting tornado, still as the shadow of loss looms over my days, I have started to think I probably would have been happier in this alternate lifeline life timeline in which my grief would be balanced by purpose. Whether this will feel true five years from now is harder to say. Perhaps one should wait to see what is built from the

37:23 tornado’s wreckage before declaring regret. I find myself trying to calculate this likelihood but quickly stop. I know now that some arithmetic belongs to older gods and reason a kid now, right? She got when did she give birth? I I don’t know the exact date, but yeah, she has a kid. She has a kid now. She’s a kid now. She’s going to get married. She’s monogous. This this is a happy ending. Everything’s okay. And you’re like, “Oh my god, I know, man.” But like, but it’s important to remember that sex can lead to kids. bang gang bangs can lead to kids, right? Like everything that she’s participating in around something like this can lead to a woman getting pregnant and then having to well either carry the kid to term or make a horrifying choice that could lead to this. And progressives aren’t really told and I wasn’t really told when I was a kid because I’m going to be honest, Christians areing terrible at terrifying kids out of abortions. They’re just

38:22 like, “You’re murdering a human.” And I’m like, “It doesn’t have neurons.” Like, that is so uncompelling to some. Yeah. I think that that’s a really a big thing for me, too, is Yeah. Like they they keep being like, “It’s a human. It’s a human. It’s a human.” And I’m like, “Well, not like actually no.” Like it’s it it doesn’t have a brain yet, you know? Like it’s like yeah, I am my thoughts, right? Like fundamentally, I’m not really my body. I could lose any part of my body and I’m still 100% me. If I lost a part of my brain, I would be fractally me. I wouldn’t be fully me anymore. If my brain significantly changed, I would be a different version of myself. Like it is our neurons. At least this is to me a regular person. The reason why I’m laying this out is when you go to your kids, many of your kids are going to think this way. And you go to your kids and you just say abortion is bad. And and again, even the

39:15 lines they use don’t really work for them. I knew you before you were in your mother’s womb. Well, that that doesn’t imply that life begins immediately at conception. That actually implies something quite different. That either souls exist in heaven before installment or God can see into the future. Both of which do not imply that life begins at conception, right? You know, so they would they would imply other things, right? And then then the question becomes when does installment happen and everything like that. What this has radicalized me on is it There are still instances in which, and keep in mind this is the vast minority of abortion when people are like abortion because of rape or something like that is less than 1% of abortion cases. That is not what people are fighting for. But I think it works to just take that off the table. Just say, okay, let’s not say, okay, in the case of rape

40:05 or a nonviable or a nonviable, like I think so so we have to and and like think again things need to be parsed out, right? Like there’s there’s yeah some of these really extreme cases. There’s also like cases in which what we’re really discussing is euthanasia of a terminally ill human. It doesn’t matter like and this is where I’m like I’m I’m standing out. Oh no, Simone loves euthanasia and like I know a lot of you guys really hate the idea of euthanasia, but I truly loving human life, human flourishing and especially innocent babies personally would want the right to spare one of my children intense suffering and pain and a short life, you know, of like, you know, hours of intense suffering and then death after carrying a pregnancy to term. Like I would rather euthanize that baby of ours. Like I would say this has radicalized me on general use of No. Yeah. No. Like before I was like whatever. It’s a pill. Like take the pill. It’s it’s a no man. Like I had no

41:09 I had no idea. People had told us they’re like oh well you know me is actually like a really intense medication. And I’m like I don’t like Yeah. But like I know people who are like, “Oh, I took antibiotics. My tummy hurts.” Like people like overreact. This is what and well I think it’s not just on this is radicalized me against recreational sex because this is what recreational sex leads to, right? I I think yeah like I said we think that non-procreative sex is a sin and this is why like well many reasons but this is another reason why.

41:40 Yeah. Note here I’m not talking about anything that couldn’t get you pregnant. for example, oral sex or kinky sex where it’s just like leaning into the kink. And I think for that reason, I’m more pro that stuff than I was historically and more anti- general vanilla, more boring sex. I see that as dramatically more immoral than the kinkiest of kinky stuff because the kinkiest of kinky stuff is just to get you off, whereas vanilla sex could accidentally get somebody pregnant. And I’d even lay this down at the religious thing from our perspective, the technopiritan perspective for those who actually follow our religion. Lean in to the kinky stuff. Lean in to the erotic stuff. Lean out of the generic, boring sex stuff because that’s the stuff that can lead to you accidentally having to being in a position where it might make sense for somebody to think about murdering a human being.

42:39 It is really first recreational sex doesn’t even feel that good. It’s like this is one of the biggest myths I want to blow out of the table. Look, this is apparently my failure. It can feel very good. I guess I’m not doing my job. I have had sex with and again like my backstory is I used to sleep around all the time. I’ve had sex with well over a 100 women probably around 160 if I like try to get it up. I I I think it I mean I remember I stopped counting and I think it was like 120 was the last time I did a full account and I slept with quite a few people after that so it must be quite a bit more than that. Did any of them ever get pregnant? If they did they never told but like I didn’t understand the I just thought sex is sex. So again this is not a Simone is bad thing. It’s that when you actually do it enough or you go around and sleep around enough. This isn’t a simo. When I mentioned this on the leaflet stream, everyone was like in the comments they were like, “Yeah, he’s right. It’s just like not differentially that much better

43:39 than masturbation.“ You know, it’s it’s it’s fine. It’s it’s maybe 250% better than masturbation. But like when you consider cost better analysis though and that’s what’s so crazy is like there was that one section of her her post where they’re like well you know if we do like a weighted cost of plan B versus like misoprost or like an abortion like $200 versus $50 but waited for the odds. Like they’re doing most of the calculation.

44:07 They’re just not taking it the rest of the way there of like here’s the downside cost of having recreational sex versus, you know, like the benefit of it. Comp contrast that to the downside cost of just masturbating. Yeah. Yeah. This is why I’m like, this is why I’m so against people who push against masturbation. If masturbation prevents recreational sex, masturbation is good.

44:30 when you consider the enormous downside of recreational sex, which which I think that this really highlights. By the way, ourfab.ai, our AI service, offers really great notsafe for work image and video generation as well as not safe for work storytelling and scenarios so you can experience your craziest monster effer scenario, you crazy horny women out there. So, I’ve been dramatically working to improve the site’s ability to both produce not safe for work art and not safe for work videos. And right now, it should be live today. There’s still some updates we have to do on the compression, the autocompression stuff, but automatic anime dubbing, which is kind of cool that I, you know, we were one of the first to bring that to you.

45:18 You haven’t decided on the next place to go. How utterly ridiculous. We recently had a fan reach out to us to be like, “Wow, you guys are always talking about this RF fab thing.” So, I finally decided to try it. And then then they were like, “What?” And I ended up spending all day on it. It was a lot of fun. And they then said it was too easy, like the games, the game worlds always sort of worked for them. So, if that happens to you on the site, use the Exotop engine. That engine is sort of like the anti-cheat engine. I don’t like it because I like cheating. I like the narrative going in the direction I choose to, you know, I I sort of impose those limits on myself when I’m playing a scenario. But for the people who don’t like to impose that, the exotop engine narrative engine is the right one. Oh, and the recipe generator is really cool.

46:04 Now, the super search features are really cool. There’s just so many fun things you can try on the website. But the wider point here being is I’m not anti-eroticism. We are not anti-eroticism. We are not anti- kink. We are not anti, you know, getting your freak on. What we are anti is the type of sex that can lead to an abortion. This is evil. And I think that by drawing this distinction as a society, it is easier to convince kids that we are not telling them this because we are being fuddy duddies, but we are telling them it because it is something that is true. You can be as dirty as you want, but sex is sinful.

46:49 Or what a guys want. A scenario where a woman loves and cares about you. Oh my god. Uh, you know, a scenario where you where where you rez up your favorite online celebrity. You could just create a version of them and then use the internet search version of Grock, which none of the other sites have, and you can you can talk with them on there. No, but like this hasn’t radicalized me into all of the conservative positions, but certainly against this. And I think with a lot of this stuff, it’s like she didn’t even like the gang bang, right? Like Ayla didn’t even like, but no, no, no, no, no. I mean, ultimately, the gang bang, I would say, has has led to the production of at least one human life and a marriage and two, you know, a happy couple. Like, what what what better gift would you want from a gang bang? It’s it’s beautiful. So, you should you should reach out to her to be like in our network. She sounds sane and intelligent and like I think our communities could be a good place

47:49 for her because I bet she’s still completely surrounded by progressives, right? She doesn’t feel she lives in Berkeley. Yeah. I mean, having the thoughts that she has, you know, be like, “Look, there’s a lot of us, sister. like joy in our community. Not not not for the sad part, but for the euphoric part of building civilization, right? Well, you don’t know. She’s not. She follows us on X, so maybe she already Oh, yeah. Maybe she’s already in our community. Well, I don’t know. I mean, I’ve met other women see our EA to sex worker pipeline where I felt so bad for some of the women in the EA space that just had their life ruined by this because they’re just like, I thought that this is how you were cool as a woman is recreational sex. I thought that this was cool when I was in those communities. and they didn’t realize how much it impacted the types of men who had settled down with it, right? And I think also seeing her conversion out of this, I think shows that

48:43 for a lot of these people, it’s our failure, the conservative movement’s failure to communicate to them. It is our failure that we too like a lot of it’s the the radicalization of it. The one of the reasons why people aren’t discussing the the downside risk of taking this pathway is that it is so politicized. You don’t want to give fodder to like I guess rightist extremists who are going to be like exactly that’s why you can’t have like abortions, you know, they’re going to be intolerable if someone admits this. It’s a very third rail thing. But I think she’s the way now suddenly because of this the way that the right communicates with people is just wrong. It’s bad. It’s bad at communication. It’s bad at communicating why abortion is bad. The the the words and logic that’s used fails at step one for a woman like this. And it is our responsibility ultimately. And people could say like why are we responsible and she’s not responsible? We are

49:47 responsible and she’s not responsible because I can’t control somebody else’s actions but I can control my actions. So it’s always useful for me to take personal responsibility and I can influence a movement’s actions. I’m not influencing leftists. I’m influencing rightists. So I say you into the larger right-wing space that we influence. We do a bad job at communicating why these things are moral negatives.

50:12 And it’s good for us to look at a story like this and be like, imagine if it doesn’t work because there’s an x% chance that it doesn’t work. How are you going to feel, right? And then you have to go through with it because you’ve already ruined that child’s life. Well, I mean, you might decide that you don’t and that’s a whole other scenario, but you have ruined the child’s life and you’re going to have to live with that for the rest of your life. That’s also horrifying. But like the moment you take this like actually think through what this means and more so do that for casual sex more broadly.

50:50 Think through the actual benefits you get out of it and the actual negatives that could come downstream of this and are you willing to take on this moral responsibility? And it is wild to me that all these quoteunquote effective altruists are doing these orgies and everything like that without fully considering what this could mean for them as individuals. And I think we just failed to communicate to them.

51:15 And I’m going to do better to do that in the future. I’m trying to think like what’s the way to like sum this up. Yeah, I think the way to sum this up is the way that I’ll be addressing abortion in the future is what if you take the pill and it doesn’t work? Like, talk me through how that feels. And then you get a crying baby like this little bastard. Look, he’s not even happy with his little toy. He’s trying to eat it.

51:40 Monster. Yeah, he’s I I need to His his bottle rolled away. What’s he upset about? I think he Well, he he woke up hangry and I his bottle fell and I can’t access it cuz I’m stuck. I’ll let you go. You did a spectacular job with this episode. It’s one of my favorites that we’ve done. It’s one of my It’s all thanks to Romy. I just like I Well, I mean, you and I, we really like we appreciate when our minds are changed when we get better information. And as much as it hurt for me to like read this terrible experience, I really really appreciate getting information that gives me that make that moves me in the slightly less wrong direction in life.

52:19 Love you, Malcolm. I love you, too. I’m so glad that Tech survived. He was Yeah. really touch and go there on it. Almost died in the hospital, too. Yeah. Does he still have the big scar from where they put the thing in to help his lungs? Yeah, you could. Yeah, it’s I I wonder if he’s just always going to have that. You can see I mean, even if he does, you know, quite a Yeah, it makes you look kind of kind of tough like modern medicine save me. You know, this is a world that we’re in. Let’s let’s try to save it. Okay, all of you guys, let’s try to save it. Let’s do our best.

52:55 Yeah. And this also just makes me reflect a lot more on communication. We’ve got to get better at communication and delivering these messages to the right people at the right stages of their life, not just to be a community afterwards. So, let’s think about how we do that better. Sounds good to me. All right. I’ll go start dinner. All right. Love you, Simone. Love you, too. You got to sneak up on them. Can you be sneaky? Okay. I can’t. I don’t. You can do it. Just be sneaking patient.

53:27 Okay. Maybe I can help you. We’ll see. A Thanks for asking them nicely. Let’s see what I can do to help. Mama, they love it. They do. So, I’m going to see if I can hang it up cuz now it’s just sitting on the ground. So, look, Tex brought this string that he’s been holding on to and we’re going to try to use that to tie it up for them. What do you think? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Indie. You can help me string it up. Yeah. Okay. Exactly.