The most difficult thing about SPRING TIME, my favourite season. Is the overwhelming need to not only be super fit, sprinting, trekking, hiking, channeling chi and hugging trees. But I equally want to chain smoke cigarettes, drink white wine relentlessly, neck tequila and rave outdoors consecutively. I also want to eat organic raw food all day, raw desserts and green juices included. Then eat gastro pub food all night with a vintage cognac served with every meal!

Is that too much to ask for?

Is that duality or polarity?

Can I find the middle ground?

Am I an alcoholic undefined?

I haven’t really smoked or drank in nearly two years. I had one packet of fags a year ago (sterling dual) and use alcohol in recipes sometimes, just for the record. Spring time identifies two very skewed perspectives of the old me.

The PARTY ANIMAL vs the PEACE MAKER.

But where am I now?

You see, I don’t really drink. I’m a social drinker. You won’t catch me white girl wasted on my own. I wouldn’t really drink more than a glass of wine in my own company. Double vodka cranberry, Chivas Regal on the rocks, once a month, once a quarter.

Yet, if i’m out and we’re drinking then WE’RE drinking. Meaning i’m drinking for the whole fucking team. I’m an EMPATH. I become one with the collective vibrational need for more SPIRIT.

With all that out in the open ALCOHOLIC me, nah!

I don’t really drink!

Margaritas though, with a salty rim.

YES PLEASE!!!!

Rosé, Prosecco, Champagne, Strawberry Daiquiri’s, Piña Colada’s, go on then. Just one of each with water in-between, it’s fine. It’s five o’clock somewhere. Yet, it’s still only once a quarter in mixed company. A drink every few months, if even, doesn’t really scream ALCOHOLIC does it?

Then I realise, typical me, i’m in the GREY again. An absolute pisshead in the moment when the ‘collective agree’ it’s time to get absolutely trolleyed but during my off seasons I don’t touch or crave a drop (neurodiverse ideologies apply to the collective agreeance of the others).

THE GREY AREA.

That’s not ALCOHOLISM is it…?!

Then I consider my smoking habits, cigarettes and weed since year 7, age 11. On and off ever since. Years of no smoke, 2 years, 4 years, 2 years again. You see, when I put the stuff down and say no more, I mean it. Instant cold turkey, i’m done! Minimal cravings, no big deal.

So ADDICT, nah, not me!

Yet, when looking at my lineage, alcoholic father who died of a heroin overdose.

HMMMM………. Maybe there’s something in this I should consider…

My DAD was the epitome of FRANK GALLAGHER from shameless (the uk version, obviously 🤨 ) and i’ll leave that there. So back to me, how far does the apple fall from the tree?

To be continued…

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