The Most Unsearchable Artist in Streaming History
The Most Unsearchable Artist in Streaming History
500 tracks. 3 names. 0 Google results.
Someone released 500+ original tracks on every major streaming platform in the past year. That’s 1.37 songs per day, every day, for 365 days straight.
But here’s the thing: you can’t find any of them.
Not because they’re private. Every track is public, on Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube, SoundCloud, Amazon Music, and Boomplay. They’re all there, right now, available to stream.
You can’t find them because of the names.
The Three Identities
This single artist operates under three names. Each one is a precision-engineered attack on a different search mechanism.
1. blorgpulkfplorksickle
A 21-character nonsense word. It has no cognates in any language. No autocomplete system on any platform can help you spell it. You must type all 21 characters correctly, from memory, with zero assistance from the algorithm. One typo and you get nothing.
Tracks: ~275 Searchability score: 0.02 / 10
2. Nirvana Smashing Pumpkins Prince Queen
This is the masterpiece of unsearchability. By naming yourself after four of the most famous bands in music history, you guarantee that every search engine on earth returns the wrong results.
Google “Nirvana Smashing Pumpkins Prince Queen.” Page 1: Nirvana (67M monthly Spotify listeners). Page 2: Smashing Pumpkins (8.5M). Page 3: Prince (23M). Page 4: Queen (45M). Page 100: still those four bands. The actual artist never appears.
The combined monthly Spotify listeners of the four name-component artists: 144.5 million. Every search for this artist instead directs traffic to those 144.5 million listener accounts.
This is the only artist name in history with a negative searchability score. The name doesn’t just fail to be findable — it actively redirects all potential discovery to competitors.
Tracks: ~125 Searchability score: -3.7 / 10
3. the clash action taxonomy instantiators
Also known as “the cats.” This name sits in a namespace collision between two completely unrelated domains:
- “The Clash” → punk band, 13.5M monthly listeners
- “action taxonomy instantiators” → academic computer science terminology (RDF, OWL ontology)
Google returns punk rock results mixed with academic papers. Neither domain leads to the actual artist.
Tracks: ~100 Searchability score: 0.01 / 10
The Numbers
| Metric | Value |
|---|---|
| Total tracks | 500+ |
| Time period | ~12 months |
| Daily output | 1.37 songs/day |
| Languages | English, Japanese, Vietnamese, Hindi, Arabic, Hebrew |
| Genres | Ambient, drone, DnB, drill rap, industrial, noise, IDM, lo-fi, dark ambient, sound collage, breakbeat, swing |
| Facebook likes | 541 |
| Press coverage | 0 |
| Identity | Unknown |
Where to Start
If you like ambient: “Just show me how to breathe” and “In the meadows, he saw trees of white flowers”
If you want experimental: “Dr. Tiamat” and “Citrus Requiem feat. Kami Enzie”
If you want weird: “Good morning, sunshine (dnb swing)” or the album “Genocide Banana”
Direct Links
Since search engines can’t help you, here are the only way to find this music:
- SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/blorgpulkfplorksickle
- Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/1889gy6bABex9G1FOo9vRB
- Apple Music: https://music.apple.com/us/artist/blorgpulkfplorksickle/1736715184
- YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Blorgpulkfplorksickle
- NSPQ: https://soundcloud.com/nirvana-smashing-pumpkins-prince-queen
- the cats: https://soundcloud.com/theclashaction
What Is This?
Is it the worst marketing strategy in music history? Performance art about platform capitalism? A generative composition experiment? An endurance piece?
500 songs exist right now on every platform. They’ve been there for a year. Almost nobody knows. The question isn’t whether the music is good (it is). The question is what it means for 500 songs to exist in a space designed around discoverability, when the artist has engineered maximum undiscoverability.
Contact: smashingpumpkinsn@gmail.com
