Through observing myself, I identified two tools for solving any form of problem that arises on the path: heating and dissolving. One might suppose that there aren’t really two, but rather that one inevitably leads to the other — such is the nature of extremes: there exists a balancing center where they merge, pushing the pendulum away from itself, but only upon reaching the extreme. One might also suppose that I do not know their true applicability to lives other than my own; thus, they are merely a reason to scratch one’s head, not something to be adopted wholesale without criticism and adjustment to one’s own needs.

Imagine the forging of a sword or the baking of bread: both involve heating in a furnace, which implies the necessity of subsequent cooling — in the same proportion — to give the object, be it sword or bread, the desired shape and texture. Literally hardening something ephemeral and undefined into a specific shell we need. Different raw materials, yet the method remains the same.

What if we applied this method to our personal experiences? Suppose there is a quarrel. Where could it have come from? Can we assume it didn’t arise from nothing? After all, we do not pounce on others unless there is a history of conflict between us, or if that history exists within us — which may be more important, for interpersonal conflicts are merely the consequence of inner conflict. Who gets offended, angry, or hateful while being happy?

Here is what we might try to do — not because it will work, but because we can test any thesis on our own experience and accept it or reject it afterward:

1. Bring the quarrel to its peak, quarreling to the death and voicing everything we feel about ourselves and the other person, erasing the boundary between ourselves and our feelings; becoming inseparable from them instead of engaging in constant internal monologue, self-criticism, and dividing ourselves into good and bad parts.
2. We can allow all our born feelings to run their course within us, without identifying with them, but not through patience, for patience is tension — that is, another feeling continuing the conflict — but through detached and indifferent observation.

The first path releases all accumulated energy outward and reveals everything hidden inside, freeing us from the burden of born feelings. This does not guarantee good relations with the other person, as their freedom is to respond to your feelings or not to respond at all. But that is a secondary question, for now we are emotionally free from the accumulated weight and can make reasonable decisions on how to move forward — with this person or without — but for the first time with a clear view of them and of ourselves. Like a stream freed from blockages, able to flow on its own course.

The second path offers something else: not turning away for a single moment from every feeling inside, however it may be — without a drop of guilt or judgment, but only with the full quality of observation, as if every emotion were the swaying of trees or a loved one engaged in their favorite activity, something one can observe endlessly. However, emotions accumulated inside are far from the beauty of nature, are they not? They are repulsive and heavy, and being present with them is unbearable. Metaphorically and quite subjectively, you will burn alive, as every feeling, thought, and stimulus will demand a reaction, an evaluation, and action from you, yet you cannot afford any of this — otherwise, you give these feelings life, prolonging them. Try lying down to sleep and not reacting to the body’s desire to change position — even that can become torture. Yet, if you remain alone and still with this internal cauldron long enough, you will see that they pass, while you remain. Around you lies scorched earth, yet you are whole and unharmed, as if none of those conflicts had ever existed. And your energy is once again free for a rational channel, an unbiased view of yourself and the other.

The center of these extremes is immobility, peace — but not the peace of before, when the pendulum had never yet begun its journey from side to side. This is peace of a different order, in which one can see what was hidden in plain sight: you, and no mystery.

Either take things to the end, or do not begin them at all. Otherwise, development is impossible. And if I have convinced you, then convince yourselves through your own words; and if I seem like a fool, then you are not mistaken — let go of what has been said completely. The main thing is that we can all decide this for ourselves.